Fri Jul 01 04:36PM
"He got four seats alright - four garden seats." - Sir Chris Hoy reveals that his dad was delighted to see the cost of Olympic tickets for the velodrome deducted from his credit card account before later discovering that the money had actually been deducted by Olympian Seats, an upmarket garden furniture shop."To be honest I am jealous of my brother. I wanted to fight David Haye but he chose my little brother." - Vitali Klitschko gives his take on the fight of the decade between David Haye and Wladimir Klitschko.
"If something happens, it is because it has to happen... I'm calm and I am optimistic. I have nothing to say and there is nothing to speak of. If a player is on the market it is because the club does not want him. I have no problems." - Arsenal midfielder Cesc Fabregas does precisely nothing to quell the growing speculation that he is leaving for Barcelona.
"I just wanted to experience a different culture, a different life, a different atmosphere... (But) how do I put this nicely? I want to have my own food for a few days then come back over." - American golfer Bubba Watsoncharms the host country by explaining why he is playing the French Open, then enrages them by explaining why he will head back to the US for a week before returning to Europe just days later for The Open Championship.
"I do genuinely believe there have been some poor-ish decisions that, in my opinion, wouldn't necessarily have hit other clubs." - Manchester United head honcho David Gill tries to explain how the poor, hard-done Red Devils are being unfairly treated by the nasty bullies at Premier League HQ.
"I think this one for some reason's gonna be easier to digest than the last year's defeat. Even though this one was in five sets and I was up two sets to love, I don't really feel like I lost from two sets to love up. (It's) kind of a strange feeling because I did play well myself. There's not much -- I can't blame my poor returning or my poor serving or my poor movement or anything like that in this match, and that makes it, I think, a bit easier to digest." -Roger Federer tries to explain away his second consecutive quarter-final defeat at Wimbledon, and in doing so completely omits to mention that playing well and losing at SW19 used to be an unknown feeling."I don't really care what people think or say or do. You know, I cannot really do anything now. I did my best and it wasn't good enough." - Women's world number one Caroline Wozniacki shows her flair for living in denial.
"I need to get my body ready where I can practice and play and apply it. But I'm 35, I'm not 65 - I've still got some years ahead of me and I feel my best years are still ahead of me. Tom Watson nearly won The Open at 59." - The increasingly injury-riddled Tiger Woods shows that golfers do denial just as well as tennis stars.
"It takes one to know one, I suppose. I know I can score runs and score them quickly, I have my own style of doing it." - England's one-day captain Alastair Cook lashes out at Michael Atherton calling him a plodder, then tries to convince the world that his deliberate, grinding style is actually just a clever way of disguising Pietersen-style flamboyance.
"Bobby Zamora is fit but, of course, he is not completely fit." - Fulham boss Martin Jol explains his star striker's condition in terms that only Donald Rumsfeld would understand. "He didn't try to make me fall but it seems he doesn't think too much. I thought he had learned from all the controversies he has created in the past but obviously he didn't. He is still as reckless as always... If I were in the safety commission I'd take away his licence for several races, but I'm just a rider and I don't have a lot of power to make those decisions." - MotoGP star Jorge Lorenzogave it both barrels after being taken out on the first lap of the Dutch TT race by rival Marco Simoncelli.
"A centre-back who gets the ball from his goalkeeper and attempts to play or dribble out of defence loses the ball and is hammered by everybody watching the game, or he gets the ball on the edge of his box and just clears it as far as he can and gets a round of applause. What is he most likely to do the next time he gets the ball?" - Gareth Southgate explains in impressively succinct style the real reason why England are awful at football: shouty dads abusing leaden-footed players at kids matches.
"I think it's amazing if you can be that role model for people, especially for girls. It's great how we've got so many really good women in sport like Vicky Pendleton and Jessica Ennis and hopefully the girls will look up to us and want to be like us. You can be a girl in sport and not be regarded as non feminine." - Swimmer Rebecca Adlington was doing a brilliant job of explaining how she wants to inspire a new generation before being impaled on a spike of her own syntax. Never mind, love, we know what you meant."I think it's about time she stopped that nonsense. It's making me throw up. It's disgusting. She'd been writing about it on Twitter all the time. And I was practicing with him before the tournament and my mum was on the side. When we were warming up, I shouted across the net, 'Feli... take a picture with my mum, because she thinks you're beautiful.' She wouldn't." - Andy Murray comes over all Kevin the Teenager - albeit with tongue firmly in cheek - about mum Judy's crush on Andy's fellow proFeliciano Lopez.
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